I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
