I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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