i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
