end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
