So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
