i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
