I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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