I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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