if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
