i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
