Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
