last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's never too late to be topless.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
