You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He felt like a one man threesome
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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