im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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