you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
