YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
