Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
