You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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