well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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