I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
