you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
