Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
