I'm really into asian looking animals
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
