just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize