oh god the rape fog is back!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
