This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
