i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
