I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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