Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
