So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
