Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
