so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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