let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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