i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
