I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
