I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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