he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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