how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
