you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
