did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
