the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
