Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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