Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
