2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
