It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
