he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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