i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
