Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
