I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
