So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
