i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
