cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Buhtt sex?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
