maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
