Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
